5 Bands I should like, but simply don't

Confession time. I like a whole lot of crappy music. It's like the empty calories of art...and I can't help but take a fistful of cheese-tastic tunage and jam it into my gaping maw and drown it with a big honkin' gulp of sugary whine. I don't know what it says about me, but I will sing Paper Lace's "The Night Chicago Died" at the top of my lungs. I will happily bop along to "Beach Baby" by First Class, "Still the One" by Orleans, and "Last Song" by Edward Bear. I will croon pensively (and generally out of tune) to "I Can't Live" by Harry Nillsson, Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun" and "Alone Again, Naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan. I think the Carpenters and Bread are great!

And just so you don't think I am a 70s-ist, I won't hit "next" on the playlist when Modern English, Naked Eyes, OMD and Dexy's Midnight Runners start playing. Just for good measure I also like The New Radicals "You Get What you Give," "Walkin on the Sun" by Smashmouth and "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors. Pharrell makes me "Happy" and Bruno Mars gets my "Uptown Funk" going!

So no accounting for taste, huh?

But this week is not about what I like. It's about what I should like, but for a variety of reasons, don't. The band or their music doesn't "speak" to me. As with everything, taste is subjective and I welcome fans of these bands to tell me what I am missing and why I should give them a third or fourth chance.

Dream Theater: In the movie Amadeus, Emperor Joseph tells Mozart what he thinks of his music...It has too many notes! That's kind of what I think of Dream Theater. It is not a valid criticism, but it's mine! In my defense it starts with excessive shredding over fairly decent melodies; it's the iffy vocals and general over-playing. I know individually these guys are magnificent players, but I consider most of their output as soulless. What progressive rock detractors call wankery. My close friend and metal head Andy Glasser (RIP) introduced them to me way back in 1990, and I just never took to them. I like a some of it...Metropolis: Scenes from a Memory is pretty good, and some parts off of Images and Words, but that's really it for me.

Twelfth Night: Back in the progressive rock dark ages of the 1980's there were a small handful of mostly British bands that kept the embers glowing. This included Marillion, IQ, Pendragon, Pallas, Arena, and Twelfth Night. There are some who think Geoff Mann and the 12th Night gang were the best of them all...after, all he was honest-to-goodness poet, they were edgy and somewhat surreal. Yet, I always felt most of the music, save for a small selection of tunes, sound like rough, unfinished demos. Mann's vocals are, what many would call, an acquired taste--and not mine. Another problem I have with them is Mann never shuts up! He rarely stops singing, or talking, long enough for the music to be much more than accompaniment.

Smashing Pumpkins: I like Mudhoney and Weezer and Blink182, Sonic Youth and even Queens of the Stone Age and Faith No More---but this band just irritates me. I get what Billy Corgan is trying to do...a smart, brooding version of the disaffected punk ethos, but there are very few songs that rise beyond listenable for me. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness is an okay album, but I simply can't listen to more than 1 or 2 songs in row. I think their "hit" "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" is fairly good, but it tends to devolve from there. I also don't care for Corgan's vocals (considering I really like Neil Young's!). Bad vocals can tear down even the best of songs.

Grateful Dead: To Frank, Robin and Cindy---if you're reading this, I'm sorry, but the endless noodling does nothing for me. Funny thing is I really enjoy several other jam bands that exist because the Dead existed (Umprheys McGee, Phish, Snarky Puppy, Widespread Panic, and String Cheese Incident). I realize the Dead is more of a lifestyle band and not necessarily a musical powerhouse...and I do like a handful of songs. Their albums like American Beauty, Aoxomoxoa and Workingman's Dead are solid records but sound dated. In limited doses, they are rather enjoyable, but a 27 minute version of Dark Star (a 3 minute song) wears on my patience. Given that one of my favorite songs of all time is 23 minutes long (Supper's Ready by Genesis), the only reason I don't like the Dead's long form is it becomes aimless and less structured.

Billy Sherwood (aka Circa, Conspiracy, solo): Look up the word over-produced and there is Billy Sherwood. His songs are very good, the musicianship is really well done, but he ruins it with this slick production sheen-especially with excessively layered vocals. I know he is trying to evoke a harmonic vibe (as you find with Crosby Stills and Nash and Yes), but it's like listening to music underwater. Less is more sometimes! He is a fairly strong vocalist, but buries it all in layer after layer after layer. Even the instruments are weighed down by a hollow feeling. He checks all the right boxes, but if he would get out of his own way, there would be some real gold there. This is especially maddening as he is the current Yes bassist (taking over for the late Chris Squire) and has a significant musical pedigree. Maybe "don't like" is too harsh in this case--"frustrated" may be a more accurate category for him.

Runners up:

Van Halen (with Sammy Hagar): he took an great band with an iconic sound and made them beige--a small step above that kind of royalty free music that gets played in a commercial when they can't afford the real thing. I know it's harsh because an album like 1991's For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge is respectable. It's possible they simply lost the "it" factor that David Lee Roth provides and anything else just seems a bit generic. Weird considering most of the music is being written by the same 3/4s of the band. I like Sammy's voice and some of the guitar work is really good, but other than the waaaay overplayed Right Now or Why Can't This Be Love, most of it is forgettable once the playlist goes onto the next song.

Nirvana: Sorry, I just don't see the genius of Kurt Cobain. The tunes that get played on the radio are okay--Smells Like Teen Spirit, Heart Shaped Box and Lithium. But the rest of their short-lived catalog just sounds mushy and formless. It's not like I don't like the grunge genre--Alice In Chains, Stone Temple Pilots and Soundgarden are much much better...but if it makes you feel better, I am not high on Pearl Jam either (but they are better than Nirvana).

Van der Graaf Generator: I've tried, I really did. Am I missing something? I see the talent, I hear the quirks and interesting bits, but as a package, uhhh...not so much. It's not just Peter Hammill's vocals or the screechy out of place saxophone. It just doesn't work for me. There are moments of sheer brilliance, but they are often lost in mess of "globulous" noise and cacophonous racket.

Now a quick flip of the script, and maybe I will go deeper in a future blog--artists I should not like, but do!

· Johnny Cash

· Nine Inch Nails

· Bjork

· Lyle Lovett

· Gorillaz

· Flogging Molly

· Arctic Monkeys

· Panic! At the Disco

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO THIS WEEK:

Toy Matinee: Toy Matinee (US) 1990: This is a fantastic record by Kevin Gilbert and Patrick Leonard. After 28 years it is STILL on my heavy rotation list. It's melodic, it's biting and warm, finely crafted and loaded with hummable hooks. Those that recognize the name might recognize them by their minor hit Last Plane Out, but there is no dud on this. I think Turn it On Salvador and Remember My Name are simply the work of master songwriters. I count myself among the legion who think Kevin Gilbert is a genius.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StlEYpiOI9M

Von Hertzen Brothers: Approach (Finland) 2006 - Led Zeppelin makes a true prog album or maybe Pink Floyd merges with Porcupine Tree, or Thin Lizzy does Queen. But all that makes it sound like this is a derivative band. They are not. The songs offer different levels of accessibility and complexity and have a fresh original feel to them. Despite being Finns, the great vocals are all in well-phrased English. And being Finns, there is often a hint of Scandinavian folk-infused into their modern sound. Listen to Disciple of the Sun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Snu2ijBiHg

Billie Holiday Billie's Best (US) 1959 - She makes every song she sings so soulful; so rich and so melancholy. Most of the songs on this compilation were recorded (or re-recorded) between 1945-1959. There has been so much written and said that I can't add anything to the conversation. She is simply one of the best jazz singers to ever live. Her vocal work is like liquid honey. The work she did in the late 30's early 40's with Count Basie (They Can't Take that Away From Me) and Artie Shaw (Summertime) just shimmers. The only downside with some of re-recordings from the 50s have that hokey and sterile orchestral arrangement (Ray Ellis) that swallows the bluesy feel and therefore the emotional resonance. Conspicuously missing from this record is her haunting Strange Fruit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8eLHZXv-60

No-Man Schoolyard Ghosts (UK) 2008 Steven Wilson is the latter day savior of Prog Rock to many (not me). This is one of his side projects. However, with No-Man, Tim Bowness takes center stage and this is not a prog album. In fact it can sort of be categorized as neo-classical. Like early Porcupine Tree, it is moody, introspective and ambient at times--what some would call aural landscapes. The lyrics are a bit somber, but the album is lush as it is haunting--the arrangements are simply gorgeous. This is one of those albums that is best to listen to on a cloudy day. All Sweet Things is the standout track, but Truenorth is a great example of Wilson's mastery of arrangements.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jC4f_6sEY8

Ghost Rhythms Madeleine (France) 2015 I should have listed this last week, but it came upon the rotation too late. This is a wild double album. It's unique in that avant-fusion/chamber approach. Their idea was to make an alternate soundtrack to the movie "Vertigo" an Alfred Hitchcock classic (Madeleine is the Kim Novak character)and it is supposed to sync up---haven't tried it. But musically, it doesn't feel like a soundtrack because it feels, umm beguiling is the only word that works. This a large band consisting of 16 people with lots of horns and strings and the only vocals are female vocal melodies on a couple of tracks. There's jazz, ambience, folk, avant-garde but it's packaged together as continuous suite that flows together nicely and coherently.

https://ghostrhythms.bandcamp.com/album/madeleine